Myths I've Fallen For
When Good Advice Is Bad Advice
Always be teachable is my favorite motto. It’s a way of viewing life that keeps my mind open. The learning mindset is a joyful state of mind where asking silly questions and exploring new subjects with childlike curiosity are embraced.
Wisdom is all around me. There’s a massive repository of knowledge in literature, art, and nature. I’ve missed lifetimes of learning by not paying attention. But, in my aspiration to keep my mind open, I’ve tried out some pretty shitty advice.
So, here’s a collection of mottos that sounded nice, but were absolute shit. It’s not all-inclusive, and we’ve all had different experiences with these fables. Some sayings mean totally different things depending on your lived-experience - hash it out in the comments.
1. “When The Time Is Right, You’ll Know...”
How the fuck am I supposed to know? Is my gut sentient? Like, actually? I’ve learned there’s no such thing as the perfect conditions. The time’s never right, it’s just now. I’ve created false requisites for so many projects. I’m a procrastinator, and this saying runs through my head whenever I don’t want to do something.
When I started my fitness journey, I had this stupid milestone that once I went up flight of stairs without loosing my breath, then I’d go to the gym. The thought of me being an overweight guy, white-knuckle clutching the bars of a treadmill left me paralyzed. It was a projection of my own body insecurity and unrealistic expectations, but the thought of having a “goal” made me feel comfortable with my paralysis.
Just take the fist step. You’re more resourceful than you think. It’s scary starting something new, but small progressions every day turn into healthy habits, and soon you’ll look back at day-one-you and say “wow I did that”.
2. “Every Experience Can Be A Teaching Moment”
Girly, sometimes things can just be shitty. Getting SAed, I’ve got nothing to learn from that. My recovery, that’s full of awesome lessons that saved my life. You don’t always have to introspect, be the bigger person and have “takeaways”. A balance of experiences; both positive and negative, is part of life. But some experiences fall into extremes, and sometimes the healthiest relationship you can have is a neutral one.
3. “If You Don’t Have Something Nice To Say, Don’t Say It”
Fuck that. Fuck you. I say it. Politeness and racism have a storied past. Every oppressor has tried to police speech; it’s almost like our words have power. Niceness is a crazy concept, because no one is nice. It’s a performative interaction that keeps people feeling good about themselves. I hold the door, I say please and thank you, and close the toilet seat - and I’m a fucking bitch. I’m not advocating that you act blatantly offensive under the guise of authenticity. There are tactful ways to navigate difficult conversations. But be truthful with your words, and if people leave because you were honest, then you were honest.
4. “When You’re Pointing A Finger At Someone Else, Four More Are Pointing Back At You”
Yeah, no. If I agreed with you, then we’d both be wrong. This quote’s about accountably and changing your behavior. In this day and age where blame-shifting and unaccountability seem to make the world go around; yeah I’m skeptical of the person pointing and saying “it’s their all fault”. But, sometimes people are just plain wrong. Blame is the diluted version of accountability. Blame doesn’t inspire healing action, prompt apologies, or restore things. Accountability involves all parties, it starts by recognizing that someone was wronged, and sticking around to clean up the mess. Holding someone accountable for their actions takes courage and time. Blame’s just a quick little jab and a bunch of “wasn’t me”. When I want to break a cycle, I stay away from blame, because blame is a ouroboros.
5. “Create More and Consume Less”
Like all things - in moderation. My creative soul depletes easily. But inspiration recharges me. I try to find inspiration in everything, but TikTok and Instagram just don’t work for me. Exposing myself to high-quality sources, like my local indie film center, the art museum, and nature takes more work. But it’s always worth it. I believe you are what you surround yourself with. And yes, doomscrolling on TikTok is part of my life, but I’m working on that. This quote hurts because I’m both a consumer and creator. I just struggle to be both. I vacillate between to two, and spend long periods of time in one camp or the other. I’m something I’d love to explore further.
Okay, that’s it. These are my least favorite sayings and the reasons behind my dislike for them.
